Jul 20, 20218 min read

專訪12 Jinno Neko 神野猫 #我的愛自己是視自己如終身伴侶

Updated: Nov 10, 2021

To love myself is to treat myself as a lifetime partner.

Q1.愛自己的定義

Loving myself means...

視自己與每個不同的自己如終身伴侶。

Treat yourself and all variations of yourself as your lifetime partner.

我做紮作的工作時間通常都很長，而大部分時間都是獨處的，每天十多小時是慣常的，怕悶的話就做不來。

My framework crafting results in long hours working alone. You won’t last if you easily get bored of being alone.

我這種人不會怕隔離，也不怕坐長途機，只要有好音樂、好電影、好書及自己的好手藝相伴，我的宇典又怎會有「悶」字呢？一個人的時候，總會有忙不完的事情，我覺得我是幾適合跟自己結婚的那種人。

People of my type are indifferent to long-haul flights, let alone quarantine times. I can never be bored, as long as there’s some good music, movies, books and crafting ideas. I think I’m one of those people who gets married to themself.

當然，遇到挫折或經歷低谷的時候，我也會孤獨及抑鬱，需要找人傾訴。得到的回應很多時都是「你要錫自己呀！」「你要愛自己多啲呀！」「你唔愛自己就冇人愛你㗎喇！」我已經夠頹了，為什麼還要負上不愛自己的罪名及情緒勒索呢？

Obviously, I get low or depressed sometimes and have the need to seek counsel too, but I do get the usual “You have to love yourself!”, “Love yourself more!”, “If you don’t love yourself then no-one will!” lines thrown at me. Why patronise me as a self-loather in my already vulnerable state?

不知從何時開始，我們對「愛自己」的認知就是讓自己著好吃好，健康幸福，愛值得愛的人。你以為世界真的圍著你來轉，以為到忘了自己是一個人；忘了人生會有高低起跌；忘了人總會犯錯；忘了人生會有缺陷。

At some point in time, we started to think “loving ourselves” meant treating ourselves; eating good; health and wellbeing; loving those who deserve our love, etc. You start thinking the world revolves around you, to the point where you forget you’re all alone. You forget about the highs and lows, that people make mistakes, and life itself is flawed.

然後，當你見到那個不幸的自己時，你就想丟下她/他，拿這種只能共富貴，不能共患難的愛來愛自己，抱歉，我不能。

By the time you realise the tragedy you’ve become, your immediate thought will be to abandon her/her. I’m sorry, but I’m not like that. You’ve got to take the good times with the bad times.

愛自己就是願意與自己立有如婚姻之約，當你喜樂，讓我分享你的喜樂，當你憂傷，讓我分擔你的憂傷，在你健康或病痛時支持你，與你在愛中共同成長，終生對你忠誠，直到永永遠遠。

Loving yourself is like being bound by marriage. You share in the delight, sorrow, support, growth, loyalty and honesty till death do you part.

Q2. 不愛自己的狀態

Not loving myself is...

沉淪對成長沒貢獻的「自我廝殺驚嚇片」中逃避自己。

Falling into a horror film to escape from yourself does nothing for your growth.

想起早前友人的一段對話。

朋友：「你做能量淨化，應該有很多鬼故事分享囉？」

我：「我越做得久就越發現很多事都與鬼無關。有次我在聽朋友的節目，聽到一把女聲和女主持的聲音重疊了，後來我問他們，原來是男主持當時正在找資料，網站彈出色情廣告來不及按靜音。」

朋友：「為甚麼不做驅鬼？這樣生意不會好一點嗎？」

我：「其實我們的問題從來都是從人類從社會帶來，不肯面對就賴神賴鬼囉。」

朋友：「那你信不信有鬼？」

我：「為甚麼不信？鬼都是一種能量，只不過它不代表全部而已。」

This brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend.

Friend: Since you’re into spiritual cleansing, don’t you have loads of ghost stories to share?

Me: The longer I’ve been doing it, the more I realise ghosts have nothing to do with it. I was listening to some friends speak on a show once, and started hearing a female voice overlapping the show hostess' voice. I asked them about it afterwards and was told the male host was doing some online research at the time, and he couldn’t hit the mute button before a pop-up ad from a pornsite appeared.

F: Why don’t you perform exorcisms? Won’t that be good for business?

M: Our problems are actually a result of humans and society. We start blaming the gods and spirits when it suits us.

F: Then do you believe in ghosts?

M: Why not? Ghosts are a form of energy too. It’s just that they’re not everything.

我成立的草藥店Hohhou Smudging，用草藥做能量淨化剛剛好五年了。坊間認知的草藥都是用來驅負能量、驅鬼驅邪、轉化情緒、總之就像魔法那樣神奇；也有人說這是心靈安慰，沒實際用途；或有人覺得用了草藥就會變得更有靈性。

我告訴你，其實沒有包生仔，但驅蚊與蠓確實是有效的。

I founded my own herbal shop, Hohhou Smudging, five years ago. I use herbal remedies for spiritual cleansing. The most widely known use of herbal remedies include warding off negative energy, altering moods, and such. It almost sounds magical, and some say there’s a placebo effect happening. Some even think you become a more spiritual person from the use of it.

Let me tell you something: There are no guarantees in life, but it’s quite effective as a repellent for mosquitoes and midges.

了解一花一草一木在大自然中如何成長，就明白了它們的能量與淨化功能從何而來。就如人一樣，按著我們的成長過程，而塑造成今天的自己。草藥不知道甚麼是靈性？不如問問你自己知不知道甚麼是靈性。

When you understand how flora and fauna works, you begin to realise their powers and from where those cleansing properties originate. Just like a person, we are a product of our experiences. If you think that herbs don’t know what spirituality is, try asking yourself the same question.

每種草藥都有自己的特質，燃燒時散發的香味既是一種能量，也是一種科學。藉著嗅覺刺激我們腦部神經，開啟對應部份的功能。淨化氣場，就是靠草藥燃燒時帶有藥性的煙，殺菌淨化。由於空氣中的粒子亦都會影響情緒，把空氣中和，在加上草藥清香的味道，對舒緩情緒也會有幫助，以上所說都可以通過科學實驗做出來。

Every herb has its own character. When it burns the scent released is a form of energy. Science tells us our sense of smell activates a signal to our brain accordingly. Purification is achieved in spiritual cleansing through contact with the smoke. The fresh scent and particles in the air can alter our emotions. These are all facts backed by science.

至於靈性那部份，就要靠我們自己著地的行出來，spirituality不是要飛天，而是要著地。沒有強壯的根，就沒有強壯的樹，這是草藥教我的。

As to the actual part of spirituality, that we must discover through our own journey. Spirituality is not so much about flying but rather learning to walk. Nature tells us: Without strong roots, there’s no strong tree.

Q3. 愛自己的生活模式

The lifestyle of loving myself...

在一段永遠不能「離婚」的多角婚姻關係中，與每個不同的自己兩脇插刀，至死不渝。

Staying loyal to and being locked in a marriage with all variations of yourself.

被稱為「Slasher」，覺得大家過獎了。這個「Slasher」只是多年的不安定生活所逼出來的自己。

I feel humbled to be called a “slasher”. I think the title is only a result of living an unsettled life over the years.

幾年前開始迷上超級英雄的故事，以前看超級英雄只是一堆打打殺殺的科幻故事，沒有深度，只有娛樂。現在看超級英雄，就像看幾十年前寫下的預言書那樣。其實這些故事不是預言，只是人類不斷重複同一個錯誤，直到我們肯接受現實世界比漫畫更荒謬與諷刺的事實，然後尋求改變。

I became a fan of the superhero genre a few years ago. In the past, they’ve always been these shallow inconsequential gory blockbuster sci-fi flicks serving to entertain. Nowadays I look at them like books written by modern prophets, laying bare the mistakes made by humans and telling us our reality has become more fictional than the scenes we see portrayed in a fantasy world. It’s time to seek change.

我的畫作中，很多時都以超級英雄去包裝筆下的角色，去回應世界及社會。無論你是地上的超級英雄或宇宙最強的神，你都一樣會遇上平凡人嘅問題：家庭紏紛、單親家庭、不堪的父母、兄弟不和、貧窮、懷才不遇、家破人亡、被欺騙感情、抑鬱、飲食失調、打不完的壞人....等等。

In my drawings, I frequently portray my characters as superheros as a response to societal issues. We all face the same problems in life whether you are some mortal superhero or celestial deity; family feuds, single-parent families, unbearable parents, sibling rivalries, poverty, unrecognised talents, family breakdown, feelings of deceived , depression, eating disorders, the neverending list of bad guys... etc.

即使在電影世界中，這些問題都不是擁有超能力就可以解決得到。但在現實世界中，你肯面對及解決這些問題，當中的力量就會成為你面對將來的超級能力。

Even in cinema, none of these problems can be solved by simply having super powers. But in the real world, if you are willing to face and solve these problems, that power in itself will then become your super power in the future.

我們都是自己的超級英雄，而且不止一個，就如平衡宇宙不同版本的自己，除了classic的自己，也會有不同版本的自己。

We are all our own superhero, and there is more than one version of it. It’s just like having different versions of ourselves in a parallel universe, where there is a classic version of yourself hidden among different variations.

不論你是選總統的自己又好；王子公主又好；當上國王的小孩又好；甚至是一條鱷魚都好，雖然我們有時會互相傷害，都背負著很多過失，甚或都一事無成。

It doesn't matter if you are the elected president, a prince or princess, or the kid who inherits the throne, or even a crocodile, the fact is we sometimes hurt each other and we are all burdened with guilt, or even lead a life deemed worthless by others.

但只要你有一刻相信人生總有一個光榮使命，去令自己成為一個更好的自己，成為超級英雄的門就會為你開啟，從此我們兩脇插刀，至死不渝。

But as long as you believe that there is always a glorious purpose in life, one that makes you want to be a better self, then the door to becoming a superhero will be open to you.