Feb 2, 20214 min read

專訪02 Tabu #我的愛自己是真正合乎道德的自私

Updated: Nov 10, 2021

To love myself is to be selfish without being immoral.

Q1.愛自己的定義

Loving myself means…

很複雜的問題，「愛自己」是一個可以具體也可以抽象的概念。抽象的話，不外乎是做對自己身心有正面利益的事。是的。我會用利益這個詞。好像很市儈，但人生在世，其實不必要太美化自己的內在，貼切就好。之所以會用「利益」這個詞，是因為我讀過一本名為《自私的美徳》一書。

The definition of loving oneself can be a very complex one. It can be taken literally or can be looked at conceptually. Conceptually, I think it means doing something or having a positive impact on one’s mind and body. I read a book by Ayn Rand titled The Virtue of Selfishness.

書中主張人不應以利他主義去綁架別人和自己，所以一切行動和選擇，都必需基於對自身長遠角度考量過，是最划算的，才是真正的合乎道德的自私。這樣的「自私」是一種美徳。

One famous quote from Rand reads, “No man can have a right to impose an unchose obligation, an unrewarded duty or an involuntary servitude on another man. There can be no such thing as “the right to enslave.” I believe her idea of selfishness is morally acceptable and a virtue.

比如說有人以為損人利己是一種自私，但其實倒頭來被人討厭了，甚至是犯罪了，那麼根本最後還是損害自己利益的行為，那麼根本就不是自私，是愚蠢。反之亦然，如果只單憑利他主義去作出行動，自己的身心也承受着壓力的話，那也是另一種愚蠢。

For example, some say gains through the suffering of others is a form of selfishness. In reality, you’ve only made yourself a target of hate or might even be breaking the law. You only end up hurting yourself and that is not selfishness, that’s just stupidity.

所以，於我來說，愛自己就是做出能夠長遠地不損害他人利益地，為自己作出最好的選擇和行為。具體的話，就是吃自己想吃的，做自己想做的，在乎自己想要在乎的人，諸如此類。如果不想活了，認真思考過了，還是不想活的話，就不活了。別讓他人對自己作情緒勒索，也盡力不情緒勒索他人。

For me, loving myself means I can make the best choices for myself and my behaviour without harming other people’s interests. In a nutshell, that means eating what I want to eat. Doing what I want to do. Care about people of my choice, etc. If I lose the will, and still can’t change my mind after some serious consideration, then don’t live. Don’t let others host you hostage emotionally, and likewise, don’t do it to others.

《自私的美徳 The Virtue of Selfishness: A New Concept of Egoism》

及其作者安‧蘭德 Ayn Rand （網路圖片來源）

Q2. 不愛自己的狀態

Not loving myself is...

沒有把自己的才華發揮淋漓盡致，就是我不值得愛的時候。

Not realising your talent to the full extent. This makes me feel unworthy of love when it happens.

曾經有段時間並不知道怎樣對自己好，一昧地想著如何令別人在乎自己，又不會分辨怎麼做才是自己想要的、適合自己的，結果就像一隻以為自己要溺水貓，亂七八糟地想要抓住什麼，以為這樣才能保護自己，最後還是所有事情都一塌糊塗。直至讀了《自私的美徳》，我才發現，啊⋯⋯原來是這樣。

There was a period when I felt really lost. I was really hung up on getting noticed by other people. I didn’t know what I wanted for myself, or what was right for me. I scrambled in self protection mode like a cat in a bath. I was a real mess until I came upon Ayn Rand’s The Virtue of Selfishness. The things I came to realise...

現在我的生活基本原則就是：即使其實已經灰心，還是要跟著自己的心意和節奏去活。

A basic rule I now live by, “You must keep following your heart and live at your own pace, even if everything else seems bleak.”

Q3. 愛自己的生活模式

The lifestyle of loving myself...

保養好皮膚令自己滿意。
有心情的時候煮自己想吃的簡陋料理。煎蛋和切些水果吃。
偶然到donki大買特買。
貓當然是最重要了。
追看日本的綜藝節目。
做創作也是最近讓自己身心抒暢的事之一。
啊，最近開始喜歡塗指甲，喜歡聞那種天拿水味。
把花舍打理好，盡可能不蝕太多錢。
一岀門就要帶耳機，唱歌，跟著歌的節奏走路。
對是非黑白保持敏感。

Having a good skincare routine to make myself feel good.
Cooking simple meals for myself when I’m in the right mood. Making fried eggs and eating fruits.
Treating myself to occasional shopping sprees at Don Don Donki.
Cats.
Japanese variety shows.
Being able to create.
I’ve recently developed a liking for colouring my nails, but maybe it’s just me being attracted to the smell of acetone.
Run my florist business to the best of my abilities and try not to make too much of a loss.
Never leave home without my headphones. I need my songs and rhythm for the day.
Resist the temptation to become desensitised about what is right and wrong.

總之，想做什麼，能做什麼，就做。

If there’s something within your reach that you want to do, go do it.

還是覺得下半世應該要去日本住，在日本生活的我大概才是最最最自愛的。不過有點難，看上天安排了，不過會先把日文學好，準備好才接得著天上掉下來的餡餅。哈哈。

I still think I would like to spend a good portion of my remaining life living in Japan. I guess that would be the ultimate act of loving myself. It seems out of reach right now, but you can never say never with a bit of luck and a little preparation work on my part like first learning Japanese LOL.